What is it that we want in this world more than anything?
We are born with a genetic blueprint that drives us to connect with the outside world and we do this very effectively. Mirror neurons in the brain mean that from birth we feel what others feel, we have empathy so we can understand, connect, share and cooperate.
We build rapport quickly with others, the people around us, while at the same time connecting with our surroundings, including animals, objects and nature, this is instinctual. As we explore and connect, we are limitless. The only limits are the ones imposed on us. Imagine for a moment 10,000 years ago in the wilderness, if a young infant didn’t successful build rapport with the tribe or demonstrate creative thinking in a pinch, well chances are when deemed useless to the collective they might be left in the woods to starve.
What is it that we all want in the this world more than anything? We want this as children, desperately during our teenage years and we even want it now. What one things do we look for? Happiness, Yes! But what makes us happy? The answer is Love. Like the Beatles sang “All we need is love”. Our growing connection to the world through love initially makes us feel strong and safe. The infant as latest edition to the tribe when loved, feels safe, wanted and is well feed. That is all we want, it drives our early behaviour and conditioning.
Love is our early driving force:
When Darwin – the godfather of evolution wrote ‘The Descent of Man’ in 1871, he mentioned survival of the fittest twice and mentioned the word love 95 time. He spoke of a world that was both cooperative and competitive. As humans, we don’t have the mass or speed of many other species alive now or extinct, what we do have is a mental capacity to cooperate in work in groups very successfully. We are intelligent, evolved to use our thinking brain to out smart other more instinctual species.
When we are newborns we get unconditional love, mostly. Typically a newborn gets changed 10 times a day, fed 5 times a day, we are carried, held, nurtured and played with. If you bring a new born into a school, library or to the park, people fall over themselves to see the baby and give it some attention, praise and love. This is our meaning, to seek this connection, praise from others is our fuel and provides us with the motivation that ultimately drives our orientation in this world. In essence we are because we belong.
As children we are powerful, fearless and ultimately free, this is not be chance or folly but by design of evolution and even though we probably wont starve from hunger, our opportunities to be creative or unique is often starved.
I am a Robot:
This search for connection and safety is our driving force as children. Like the way a robot is hard wired with circuitry and programming which allow it to carryout its daily actions and complete tasks, humans too have an automated programmable part of the brain. The brain with its series of neural pathways and synapses is designed to create automation, a space to store our repeatable habits, patterns and belief structures. This automation can dictate our behaviours, roles and our attitudes. We create a secondary force field to perpetuate our safety/survival and to protect us from losing our automation, what we have.
The first belief or programme that is installed in most children is the belief that ‘I am the centre of this universe’. If I smile, everyone smiles back. If I cry, people come running. I must be the centre of this universe, this is particularly cemented in the first 6 years of childhood. This is the start of our programmable self.
As we grow, things start to change, it may be that another brother or sister comes along that starts receiving the love that we expect to get or that the family dynamic changes, through divorce or separation. Maybe we are suddenly expected to take more responsibility for ourselves, ‘brush my own teeth’, ‘put my own clothes on’, ‘go to school’. We do not like this shift away from being the all powerful centre of the universe. The logical conscious mind is starting to form, a secondary force field is starting to develop, there to protect me from pain and to facilitate my ongoing search for connection through attention, praise and love.
We are smart little beings so we do our utmost to get back to where we feel the most loved. We start to act and behave in different ways. At this early stage all children have to look outside to get this attention, validation and ultimately this love connection that we crave and now expect on some level. When we are loved we feel safe that we will survive, when we receive praise we feel connected and important. The programmable brain is malleable and over time we develop roles and behaviours, this conditioning can only be compared to that of a robots automatic, task oriented, binary circuitry. Any self promoting choice in this world slowly starts to drift away….